Why Poor Me? (A poem written by BCFC Award Winner – Zara Alaba Kontein)

“ME!!!”

Yes me!
I’ve long caged my words in my bowels.
But now, it’s time to be born.
Beneath this smile is a story of me,
I thought would never be,
Cos I bore wounds like stings from bees.
But listen.

I was a prisoner at age seven,
Married to lesbianism,
Stapled to masturbation
Nailed to the cross of immorality,
With no sense of morality.
Enslaved by my ignorance,
I danced to the rhythm of my foolish wisdom.
At age seven, heaven denounced me.

See I grew up knowing God,
But God never acknowledged me.
I knew His expectations from me.
I saw the me He had fashioned from creation.
But I couldn’t be the me He wanted me to be!

I was a victim to myself.
Locked in my own cell,
No fire to propel
I had no reason to Excel.

Wounded by razored lips,
For my self, I couldn’t speak.
See, my sins wrecked my esteem,
My pride it lessened
Made my fears extreme
A victim of low self – esteem
That rendered null my person.

The darkness of my heart
Shadowed my path.
I sought light to illuminate
My path, but all I found were
Blackened shades of white.

I needed help.
But from where?
My iniquities caused me pains.
i lost my dignity to my insanity.  became a nonentity even to principalities.
I had no voice where virtues spoke
I knew I needed help, but from where?

I resolved calling the savior I knew could save me,
But my guilt locked my lips
And accused me of being a rejected child

But no…
My anguished soul argued
The devil is the rejected one,
he was Cast down from heaven, not me…
I can’t be rejected but My sins can.then by God I won’t be rejected.

Tho my pains drained my faith.
His ways I couldn’t understand, but how do I make him understand he needs to understand my pains and give me a stand!.

with months unending
My joy kept pending
But On tearful knees bending,
I begged,
Lord send me HELP!.

Silence!
Silence!!
He replied with silence.
Oh I heard a loud silence!!

Little did I know his silence taught me to walk in the spirit
his silence parted my way in the valley of the shadow of death.
His silence was my teacher in his steps
Yes, he was there, for he said.  “I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS”.
I learnt in silence at his feet, on my knees..

Then he showed up.
His light so intense
So much love I could not comprehend.
I couldn’t see while looking
So I had to look in.
There he was
With all glory
He wrapped me with love
My problems he solved
Wiped my tears
Set me high above!

Yes He,
perfected my imperfections,
Directed my misdirections,
Set me on high dimensions!

So never seduce me against my creator Cos in his Creativity he created all creation.
Don’t tell me to forsake his subliming love.
don’t tell me to pray no more
Don’t tell me to praise no more
Cos I earn much more
And when I ask for some more,
He gives me even more.

Yes, Call me a fool for loving him like a fool,
but didn’t he die like a fool, for my foolishness?
Yes, beat me for making him my lord,
Kill me for calling him God.
For till my last breath he remains God!

Look at me!
No look at HIM in me!
On His solid rock I stand
like a mountain that can not be moved
Cos my shame, he removed. No
Yes I divorced immorality
And have gained some sanity.
For he injected my head with some sense
And sanitized my heart with his love.

Now see!
I’ve told this story of Me,
Because it’s not just about me,
But now about you!!!

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